She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
