Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
