someone threw a dead crab at me
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
