My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
