Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
