I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
