I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
