I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
