You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
