Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Operation Purity has been aborted
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
