Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Ketchup is God's man juice
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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