Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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