Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
