your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
