ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
