Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
