I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Sex in the backyard? Check.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
