you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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