I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
