so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize