Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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