Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
