i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
