so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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