they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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