This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
