I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
