Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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