I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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