shes about as inviting as chlamydia
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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