lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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