Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
