People in love make me want to vomit
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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