when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
