What did we do last night that was yellow?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
