I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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