She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
