it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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