It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
