now i know why i became what i already was.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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