I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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