she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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