Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dick very happy bro
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
