i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I will be naked everywhere
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
