you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
