he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
