you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
