I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
