Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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