Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
