I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
