This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
