JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
