Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
