I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
