She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i've created a new STD.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
