Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
