We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
