I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
