plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
