his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
