why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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