Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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