Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
