will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
