Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
