if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
