my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
