May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
