We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
