Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
