Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
