So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize