Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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