addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
