We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
