i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
