I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
