DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
