just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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