I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
