Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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