Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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