we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
