I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
