just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
