last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize