Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
