Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We need to get me chipped asap
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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