the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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