I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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