you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
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