Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Alive.
So much puke
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My life is pants optional.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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