I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
