i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
