just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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