so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
