the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
