It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Another day, another engagement, another cat
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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