i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize