I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
