just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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