we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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