I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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