yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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