hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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