we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I feel like abortions should bother me more
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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