Where are you?
In a non slutty way
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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