i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
