I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
