I puked a lego.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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