He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
All the doctor said was why
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
