smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
